my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
