the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
