He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When are your genitals available?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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