You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
