Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
