i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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