I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
