Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
