Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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