yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
