apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
