omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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