She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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