I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
