Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
