One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
