Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
