We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
