The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
