My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
