before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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