why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
