So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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