id be glad to
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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