I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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