Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
