Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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