we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
