I will miss his soup and his dick the most
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
