shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
