I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
