I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
