Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
