Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
