My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
