i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
