He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
