You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
