Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Randomize
