I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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