Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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