I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
