If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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