Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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