Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my liver is dry heaving
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
