It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
