If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
