Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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