Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
