there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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