I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
