You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
