But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
People in love make me want to vomit
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
