But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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