Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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