Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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