I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
