So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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