That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
