I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
