just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
