why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
