Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
