I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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