I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
