WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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