I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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