we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
