her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
