yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize