Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
